Have you ever had an employee complete a project with totally different results than what you expected, even though you thought you communicated what was needed?
We’ve all had that moment and wonder, “Is it them? Or is it me?”
It’s probably both.
[source: St Louis Business Journal] We all learn to communicate differently, and even though we may speak the same language, we may not be speaking — or hearing — the same things. Many of us have been raised in Western culture, where the burden of understanding is on the speaker. If we see a quizzical look on the face of someone we’re speaking to, we usually have no problem saying, “Do you understand what I just said?”
That’s not true in other cultures, where the listener has to figure out what the speaker is saying based on body language, status of the speaker, and the context of what’s being said. Whew! See how complicated this all gets?
The way to assure understanding as both speaker and listener is to use what’s called “reflective listening.” It’s not a difficult thing to learn and it doesn’t take long. But it does take practice. Here’s how you do it:
1. As the speaker, ask questions
Pause now and again when speaking and ask the listener, “Can you tell me, in your own words, what you understand from what I just said?” Or you could try, “Just to make sure we’re both clear about this, how are you going to do X?” The more complicated or detailed the conversation or instructions are, the more often you should stop and ask the listener to tell you what he/she understood.
2. As the listener, repeat what you heard
If you’re having a conversation with a speaker who hasn’t read this article, stop them now and again and say, “Let me be sure I understand clearly what you just said,” and paraphrase what you heard them say. This opens an opportunity for them to clarify points they may have missed.
3. At the end of the conversation, summarize
Whether you’re a speaker or a listener, at the end of the conversation summarize what’s been said, what’s been agreed on, and what the next steps are. This is key to making sure both speaker and listener are on the same page.
4. Send a follow-up e-mail
I always send a follow-up email after important meetings or conversations to solidify the discussion. I always end with, “If I’ve missed anything, please let me know.”
Some of this will be awkward at first, but the more you practice it, the more natural it will become. If you’re not doing this already, the easiest place to start is as the listener. Why? As Stephen Covey said so well, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”